June 9, 2011 § 1 Comment
incites more like it, so the never ending question of perfection keeps offering itself on the altar of heart, first I was looking at a mock up page I was using and mygodinheaven I saw a typo, and imagining it was the real deal and I hadn’t corrected it I wondered–since I hadn’t stitched books together never mind collated them and it would be a pain but I had extra paper so it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility to fix it–what I might if anything do about it, and secondly pondering (and not sure I’m pleased with) the placement of one of the poems I am again wondering what I might do, and heard myself say, if it were my master’s thesis I would suck it up and do it again, but it’s not, and instead I can let the call of the art or better yet, the call of the whale (which happens to be the title) inform the positioning of the title which I think might just be another avenue, another expression another way, whew
and today is garbage day and my sweet husband has been on a throwing away things campaign, or rampage, that we’re not using or aren’t usable or useful (to include the assuaging of sentiment, by which I mean sentiment is considered a legitimate use, for the nonce anyway, like he kept a backpack we have never used because he might still use it) and I noticed the moldy squeegee in the shower, bought just after we redid the bathroom years ago which I have never used and my sweet husband never intended to and I thought I would just throw it out, well, up came roaring all the well it’s still perfectly good, if ugly, and and and and many more breathless ands and I thought ohmygod! as my sweet sister in law says in the most effective and telling tone of voice, if it’s that hard to throw the damn thing out, it’s time in fact to practice, to make it a habit, one thing in, one thing out…hell I mean so what if it was the wrong thing to throw out…
1. If it were my master’s thesis I would do it over, as in teacher can I have another piece of paper.
2. Throwing things away is a skill which like any other takes practice.
June 3, 2011 § Leave a comment
June 2, 2011 § Leave a comment
it is the little things,
I’ve been well taught, thank you, sensei/s
I am well schooled, and taking to heart the lessons, and goals, I set in spite quite of myself, and so I looked, and saw, and most fun of all, I am understanding and so able to extrapolate and there it is again the difference between by memory or by heart in a word, learning,
It was the e, the one e, in the heart of the poem, in the home stretch in fact that kept filling up, and looking, well, just wrong and I fixed it…I mean I saw it, and then did the several things that are tantamount to rebooting the computer as a first fix for almost anydamned thing, cleaning off the ink, brushing off the letters, re- inking, replacing the letter, none of which worked so I thought, thought I there must be something that is pushing that one area up, like perhaps a thin (a brass or copper spacer) got underneath it…so I organized to be able to look under those letters and damn if there wasn’t a piece of lint, yup hardly bigger than a speck of dust, that was a mote in the e’s eye as it were…anyway smooth sailing after that and now the 12 poems are finished, and it is on to titles and fluerons and rosettes and red and fine measurements ohmygod,
I am ready…
And then there is the Story matrix, a storyline spreadsheet ha! Whoever heard of such a thing, and yet at this juncture I am ready to do all things, and so I filled in each little box for each scenelet and damn again if it didn’t just pretty as a picture point out the holes in the story, ha!
And she was right, it really didn’t take long at all. Another one of those in spite of myself, one of those geez that’s a stupid assignment that isn’t…ironically enough it was also rather soothing, and in the end I loved filling in all those boxes…and I’m ready to concede that if I shift things around and shitcan the first chapters as I have them the whole thing really won’t fall apart…and so I’m gaining steam and gleaning, yup that’s exactly what I’m doing…gleaning on the one hand and soon to be sewing and sowing on the other…