the throes

March 5, 2012 § 2 Comments

so as these things go, I finally decided on my four pages; have typeset and actually formed up three already; am midway through the last one, and even ordered them, important since the margins for verso and recto will be different;

and proofed but not yet ready to print they are—as has always been the case I don’t know why I’m so surprised—not having any part of just lying there…especially in the middle of the night where not only the order of the pages changes but so does the layout of each one, yup it’s part of the pr-oh-cess, mine in particular, not so much indecision as the appreciation of a certain fluidity (hmm) that defines, operationalizes it ain’t done till the fat lady sings, and even then you never know how long she’s gonna sing

important not to improperly name, and therefore succumb to the attendant feelings which feel like anxiety or fear or ambivalence, or like you don’t know what you are doing, it’s none of those, it’s just the throes, yes that’s exactly what it is, the throes…
dear gob.

oh for gob’s sake!
b-c-d-e is the way it goes i-s-f-g while I’m at it but the point is b-c-d-e, not that complicated really
and an interesting reminder of body memory—my hands knew the case before I did, still do—my hands, especially if I’m distracted know right where to go to find just the right letter, so as my father might have said, it was an erroneously carried out action and the imps and inklings certainly would second that, suggesting Gob and not God was just the word I was looking for

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