house a thon 37

May 10, 2013 § Leave a comment

13th avenue or was it 14th

after a lot of talk, and even more talk and
then deciding to but first needing to sort out
the issues of my house or his or one we found
together mine was too small (even if we loved it)
his (even if it didn’t have much personality) was
light and spacious and convenient and it wasn’t
as if we’d not pretty much been living there already
or as if he wasn’t already doing my laundry at his house
(which had a washer and dryer) even if I wasn’t doing his
and it’s not like once I moved in it wouldn’t be
our house and if it didn’t work I necessarily would be
the one who had to move out so, I did

I remember the deck, and Baskin&Robbins across the street
our bedroom which was huge the living room with his desk
and his great as in really good not just big speakers but
I can’t remember if there was another bedroom I remember
getting pregnant and spending a long time thinking about
being a mother and thinking and talking
and talking and thinking and talking about
what I would what he would what we would do
and hormones and the time (abortions were legal but
still in the back alleys) not withstanding deciding
(again) I didn’t want children of my own, so I didn’t

I remember he cooked for me but can’t remember
the kitchen or if I ever cooked in it and becoming
the evening shift charge nurse of a 38 bed unit
even before I was a year out of school and loving it
and being good at it I remember walking to work
in my beloved Birkenstock sandals even in the snow
and the rabbit fur coat I bought myself and
the Deering banjo we bought from a friend of his
who worked at the music store who gave us a good deal
and getting divorced (not from each other)
on the same day in the same court for god’s sake
but not the same docket (his was in the morning
mine that afternoon) I remember it as comfortable
(and easy) even if (life was hard and) my squat house
on the hill in the woods in the middle of the city
is still more memorable

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